‘The Search’

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Helen Keller

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It’s 2016. There’s nothing unusual or weird about online dating. Just like most things in our lives, smartphones and the internet have made it completely mainstream. So why do I find it so terrifying?

As a 34-year-old, I came of age in the year 2000. I remember a time when people actually had to make a move in person, if they wanted any chance at getting involved in a relationship, or at the very least getting laid. Now we can totally bypass the ‘initial’ in-person cold calling approach. Which I guess is quite liberating. And yet for me signing up to a website seems more overwhelming.

Is it ego or an attachment to some romantic idea of how I’m going to meet “The One”?

Perhaps there is a little bit of that. But as I signed up to a dating site on Sunday night, and started being ‘winked’, ‘favourited’ and emailed. Instead of a sense of elation, I felt weirdly exposed. Now I didn’t put any intimate or sensitive information on my profile, just the usual stuff, you know vital stats, an attempt at being funny and casual whilst not coming across as a dick. But as I stared at pictures of men, who I had never met, of all ages (some completely inappropriate can I add), I felt like all these strangers were gazing at me, and I felt a bit naked. I guess I have always been quite private, I’m not big on social media, yes shock horror! So the idea of suddenly opening my life to 30,000 potential strangers, was a bit mind-blowing.

But as I allowed this initial pang of terror to pass over, it occurred to me in every other aspect of my life I have been happy to engage in a ‘search.’

A job search, house search, even a library book search, these things were taking place before the dawn of the internet. It’s just common sense. If you want to make something happen in life, then you have to put the feelers out. Sometimes things ‘happen’ because you are in the right place at the right time, but more often then not we put in effort and actively search out different options, choosing the one that feels best suited.  Some would say, you are in the right place at the right time, because  you put the effort in in the first place.

So as someone who believes deeply in self-effort, I am going to stop moaning, and open up to this new type of search. The ‘love’ search. And who knows where I may end up.

Siya x

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Is there a Marriage Sell-By Date?

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“When you’re 30, you’ll be past your Marriage Sell-By Date.” My Darling Mother.

Rewind to the year 2000, when baggy jeans ruled, Gwyneth Paltrow was actually cool (well kind of) and my mother was doling out romantic advice that would come back to haunt me. For generations, Indian mothers and a seemingly endless network of family, friends and random acquaintances have generated and assisted marriages around the globe.

But that would not be the case for me. I, Siya Joshi, was determined to find my own man. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted or believed in marriage. And so I told my mother, I would go it alone, and if I really needed help, then I’d turn to her when I was 30. To which, she instantly replied, “Siya, by then you’ll be past your Sell-By Date.”

Well fast-forward to the year 2016 – I’m 34, unmarried and starting to wonder if my mother’s flippant comment, was actually a prophesy in disguise. And even more shocking, I think I might actually want to get married. Gulp.

But first, let me introduce myself properly as I am clearly not defined just by my relationship status.

tlcI grew-up with TLC and Destiny’s Child for crying out loud. The ‘Independent ladies’ mantra, is on a microchip inserted into my brain via MTV. Like most, the journey from teenage angst, twenty-something aspirations and thirty-something practicalities has been one full of highs and lows, some life curveballs and the adjustment to the more mundane aspects of life. I was never someone who sought fame and fortune, but I did want a career that was satisfying and would help others. I was prepared to take risks, leaving a stable job to travel around India, and eventually finding my calling: teaching yoga and Indian philosophy. I love my job. Like most there are things that get me down, even yoga teachers have to face office politics!

My love life on the other hand, is a bit like that desert in the opening sequence of the new Star Wars movie. Lost and infrequently inhabited. No that’s unfair, I have plenty of romantic experiences; if you could get a qualification for dating, I’d have enough experience for a PhD. But for a variety of reasons, the aforementioned romances haven’t turned into anything long-term.

So now at the age of 34, my friends and family have proclaimed an intervention and I’ve decided it’s time to give something new a go – eek! Unlike the majority of the human population, I’m a bit rubbish with technology, but I’ve decided it’s time to embrace online dating and the world of family set-ups. And I thought if I’m going to do this, why not write a blog, in the hope of sharing my adventures…and learning from others too.

Let’s see what happens!

Siya xxx

ps – a few words of wisdom from Mr Einstein.

 “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” Albert Einstein.