Indecent Exposure

I am now fully subscribed to the world of online dating, and close to going on my first date – eek!  But there is one request I have to the dating universe.  No penis photos. Pretty Please.


I know digital dating is the way forward but why does it give some men and women (actually in this case only men apply), why does it give some men the license to send you a picture of their penis: uninvited, unwanted and undesired. A general survey of my single girlfriends suggests this courtship move, if you can call it that, can materialise at any point in the early stages of interaction, and doesn’t seem to depend on any kind of ‘physical’ contact. From a follow-up to a first date or in one or two cases the first message, for a small minority, indecent exposure is a perfectly appropriate way of communication.

Now I know sexting can be a way of expressing sexual desires in a cheeky manner, pardon the pun.

But in what world can the first message you receive from a total stranger, be a picture of their penis!?

I mean for starters, whilst much pleasure has come from interaction with the male anatomy, let’s face it, a penis is not a pretty or photogenic object. Number 2, even if the only thing you want is sex…generally speaking most women like to see the whole package, not just the one hanging at the bottom of your torso. And thirdly, whilst there are always exceptions, I imagine the success rate of said penis coming into contact with another human being is seriously low.

Of course for some people, the thrill comes from the shock factor.  A hit-and-run style indecent exposure. Flashing for the digital age. But for a girl like me, it can slowly erode your faith in finding a decent man. I mean let’s face it a penis photo is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. There are the men who start with promising online banter only to suggest hooking up without ever actually taking you out on a date. There are the ‘ghosters’, the men who sweep you off your feet, take an all-consuming interest in your life and then disappear when things get real. I know a few friends who have experienced this kind of hit-and-run.  And there are the ones who go on a few dates with you, and rather than being honest, decide not texting is the best way to let you know they’re not interested.


Now I appreciate the last paragraph applies to men AND women. And in both cases I think it boils down to this. A lack of respect.

Whilst it’s no longer necessary to pay for someone else’s meal or open a door, it is still necessary to respect your fellow human beings. Especially the ones who are brave enough to open their hearts to meeting and connecting with someone new. If you don’t want to spend time with someone, tell them in as kind a way as possible. They’ll appreciate your honesty in the long run. If you want to have sex with someone, meet them first. Yes they may be smokin’ hot but they are also a rounded human being, with hopes and dreams, not just a body to play with. And whilst there is nothing wrong with a ‘one-night’ stand, perhaps check that the person you’re interested in actually wants that before proceeding to send a picture of your penis.

In a world of constant choice, the man or woman on your dating app may seem replaceable but for all you know, the person on the other end may be hanging on a thread, dealing with life’s challenges and loosing hope in finding love and rather than adding to the pile…how about being kind?

Trust me you’ll feel better….and you never know, you might have more to give, then just your penis. Surprise yourself.

Siya x

ps Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year! 🙂